I was admitted 2 days before the treatment, did the mandatory bag search, signed the usual Medical trial documents (dont blame us if you die etc etc), and was then kept pilled up on valium for the 48 hours wait.

The morning finally arrived. I was taken by ambulance to another hospital (or hell - I'm still not entirely sure) and put under full anaesthetic for the treatment. "No worries" you might think - well try this on..... I came out of anaesthetic 6 hours too soon & did full convulsive body shocks straped to a trolley - and whats worse is that i was conscious (and had the night nurse from hell on duty!!!!!).

By the time i was admitted back at the detox center they were freaking that I had fluid on the brain & in the lungs. The doctors assigned a nurse to watch me constantly as I lapsed in and out of consciousness - they kept me a couple of days extra & even sent me for emergency chest X-Rays.

I was eventually released looking like I had done 20 minuites in a gay sauna with Mike Tyson. For 2 weeks i was shitting liquid, the first week my partner and Mum spent most of the night holding my legs down and joking about wearing motorbike helmets as i body shocked around the bed. I was sore all over & couldn't make it up the front steps without a rest half way!.

At 8 weeks I'm still suffering cramps, lack of sleep etc etc - sure they did give me a bag of pills (one of everything), but nothing in the bag lets me get more than 5 hours sleep, or stops the cramps. I have been enduring the pain, visiting naturopaths, psychologists, neuro-psyches, masseuses, you-name-it's seeking relief of varing degrees.

The strange thing about either the treatment, the naltrexone, the lack of methodone or simply being clean are that I have stopped my 5 Chupa-Chup, 2 packets of cashews, 2 chocky icecream a day habit in favor of an apple & herbal tea. My 1 ounce a week pot habit has diminished down to a couple of little ones in the evening. I've even given up the tobacco too!! (Added to the rest of the trauma the nicotine withdrawal was forgotton).

In retrospect I have had to realise that methodone certainly does give you the illussion of normality, when in fact I was living in an extremely hypersensitive state. Even on 165ml/day (which is a very, VERY big dosage) I was living in a constant state of mild withdrawal. I also had to revise my feelings about using again - after the first 3 weeks of going through hell, I had to admit that if someone walked in the door with instant relief, that I would find it hard to say "NO". After 3 years on the methodone I was resolved to never use again - I'm still resolved, but I guess I have had to admit to myself that I will always be susceptable in the bad & painful moments of life.

I still dont know what it feels like to be totally clean - even after 8 weeks I am still taking a valium (in bits 2 times a day) which I have been decreasing (was on 6/day when i was first released). I have moments when i feel fantastic, but they are still fleeting compared to the lack of sleep & constant cramps.

Would I have gone through with it if I knew what I know now? Hell Yes! I might have done it a little differently (like perhaps decreasing my methodone dosage before the UROD, like studying the effects of UROD on high methodone patients a little more closely so I might have known what to expect etc) but all in all - I'm alive, my brain hasn't been fried & I am on the road to recovery!

Live long & prosper!

(I may be laying in the gutter - but I'm looking up at the stars!)

Peter C

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