My progress was not without its pitfalls though. Indeed the partner that I had lived with before I went on the program and several close friends whom I had known for a long time (all users, past, present & future) quickly became estranged from me.

A couple of weeks after I had been on the program, several of them started visiting me, often stoned on heroin & looking for a smoke. After the second or third time they had come around, smoked my pot & then nodded off while talking to me, I asked them if they could please not come around after they had had a blast. I explained that I was trying to stop using (I was always a heavier user and often was the one with the habit in the group) and that they as friends could make it easier for me if they came around before they had their blast, or after they had gotten over the 'zonked out' state.

This request was no doubt interpreted by my friends as ANTI-HEROIN, and thus ANTI-THEM. To make matters more complicated, my partner at the time was close friends with these same friends and their opinions held considerable sway.

Over the next few months any & every negative aspect of my physiology, or personality was blamed on me being on methadone. I was seen to be irresponsible for being 'on the program'. I was seen as alien to my still-using friends & my in-the-past using partner. I was told that I was 'copping out'.

(This situation can be most harrowing for a person. The duality is that on one hand your doctor is telling you to "just stay on the program as long as you can ....... every day that you are on the program is another day that you don't use" .. and then on the other hand, I had my friends & partner were telling me "get off the Done! .. it is rotting your brain & your teeth .. you'd be better off being on heroin!!").

So there I was trying to do what I thought was the right thing, I was seeing a psychoanalyst & dealing with my abuse issues, I was making a serious attempt to kick Heroin once & for all, and those around me whom I trusted were telling me I was doing the wrong thing & disassociated themselves from me when I didn't comply with their wishes.

This narrow mindedness was compounded further when after an accident one night I found myself with a broken arm. I had fallen asleep & woken violently ill & in shock from the break. A friend took me to the hospital, and all was going well until I announced (upon the nurse asking if I was taking any medication) that I was on methodone. Looking at the nurses face I could almost hear the steel shutters come crashing down on the pharmacy window!

It was as if by announcing that I was on Methodone, that I was obviously faking the broken arm in a ploy to get some DRUGS! - Sure, I'm sure that casualty get their fair share of midnight addicts hanging out & trying on every story in the book, but there are people who are genuinely hurt who suffer by this lack of education on the 'conservative' medical establishment's behalf.

After suffering the agony of an x-ray with a broken arm, they left me on a bed literally screaming in agony! After several hours of sufferance they bandaged the arm & told me to go home and take a headache tablet! - I explained that I was on 145ml of methadone which makes anything less than a 30ml codeine seem like aspirin! - I asked them to ring the clinic (they wouldn't) - finally, after the staff threatened to ring the police on me, I left.

4 hours later I arrived at my own personal doctor who immediately gave me an injection, some real pain killers, some real care & respect as a human! He listened to my story of the night before & nodded in understanding having heard many such stories in his time as a doctor.

I don't speak with my old, drug-using friends these days, having built up a strong support network of friends who offer me real support when I am down, instead of simply encouraging me to have a shot. I now have an environment in which I can be honest about how I'm feeling. I don't have to pretend....... and probably most importantly for me, I still haven't used!

I understand that Methodone is not for everyone, which is why I spend my time these days campaigning for more options for addicts, as well as counselling whomever asks (or emails) in any way I can.

People need to be informed about methodone & educated about methadone users. A methadone user is NOT a villainous criminal!

Please give us a chance!

Three years on & I am still working for myself, I have been in a loving, stable relationship with my current partner for 2 years, and ...... I haven't used Heroin! More than that......I am about to do the Naltrexone ultra-rapid detox off 160ml of Methodone....stay tuned.

By the way, I feel that if I ever had the inclination to get back on Heroin, I would go on methodone instead ... sure it's harder to get off, the hang out is more intense, the stone not as good, but for me, it's a legal, fairly harmless substitute for an expensive & dangerous drug!

Peter C

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