Perhaps its because we're from Down Under - all upside down and confused - or perhaps its because we're a neurotic bunch of dopes founded on mass slaughter, sunstroke and underbathed convicts. Whatever the excuse, the fact remains that we like to do things our own special way.

Take, for instance, our recent foray into Olympicdom. Now, in case the Olympics is already a memory tucked fast to sleep in the recesses of your mind, and Australia is back to being somewhere near Germany, let's see if I can remind you of who we are.

We're the nation where former 400 metre hurdles gold medallist and opening ceremony torch carrier Debbie Flintoff King had to pay for tickets to get in.

We're the nation where, in recognition of Indigenous gold medal victory, the local politican flys an indigenous flag upside down, which pretty much represents death in battle.

We're the nation where an Australian athlete becomes "Our Tatiana" when she wins gold, but until then is more than likely to be a bloody wog, boong or dole-bludger.

We're the nation who take the piss out of our athletes via a prime-time show every night called The Dream, laughing hard at our gymnasts as they fall on their heads and arses.

We're the nation whose hocky official touched Princess Anne on the bum. And she didn't even notice. (deft touch mate)!

We're the nation who's constitution states that there must be at least one Australian at every sporting event with dyed green hair.

We're the nation once led by a Prime Minister who gave us the day off when we won the America's Cup and said that any boss who gave their employees the sack for not coming into work was a bloody idiot.

We're the nation now led by a boring little accountant who waves at athletes in a desperate attempt to stage a public connection with them to deflect attention from the fact that he runs our country like a toilet.

We're the nation who have a bloody legend for a female 400 metre runner. Cathy Cathy Cathy - Oi Oi Oi!

We're the nation who think that Gold is great, but beating New Zealand or America will do just as nicely.

We're the nation who can make an Opening Ceremony out of lawnmowers, a couple of horses and a sheet of tin.

We're the nation where Weightlifting means PartyTime! We party on behalf of Halil in Sunshine, Akakios in Richmond and by god, 48 hours of non-stop mayhem for the two Hossein's in Islamic Lakemba. Party on Iran!

We're the nation where, whenever we lose in the swimming we are told that 'Racing was the winner tonight'.

We're the nation with a fat-arsed wombat with its own poo pellets as our number one unofficial merchandise.

Yeah, we're weird all right, here in Australia. Bloody oath and proud of it.

Till next time fellow travellers
Peace - Mayyyyyyte.

- Neriman Kemal

 Q U E S T I O N    E V E R Y T H I N G    T R U S T    N O T H I N G    B E L I E V E    I N    Y O U R    I N T U I T I O N