On yet another day of stellar religious TV courtesy of the ever reliable God-marketeers Briz 31, I was thrilled to find myself watching "The Aussie TV Show", The Southern Cross Church of Springwood's masterful attempt to create what must be a marketing first in Australia - - a CHURCH FOR AUSSIES.

What makes up a Church for Aussies, you might ask?

Some of the most hilarious TV viewing I've seen in a long time, and considering that this includes Smack the Pony and The Games, you might be thinking that I've discovered an example of what The Late Show's The Captain used to call 'champagne comedy'.

Unfortunately, "The Aussie TV Show" is not meant to be funny. They're deadly serious and it is from this irony that I found myself howling with delight, or as they might say at the Aussie Church, veritably 'pissing myself'.

For you see "The Aussie TV Show", which springs from a congregation that meets weekly at Springwood and Capalaba - is rife with Aussie-isms, church propaganda sprinkled liberally with 'mates', 'strike me pinks' and 'cruisin for a bruisings' as well as other 'cool' aussie sayings.

The show seems to be led by a women named Roycee (a great Aussie sheila name) and made up of talent from her local congregation.

The theme of today's show was Pride, which, they were quick to point out, was caused by 'I', the middle letter of their feature word. (Yes, you can see the deep methodology to their religious outlook, can't you). What they then failed to mention, however, was that 'I' is also the first letter in the words intelligent, integrity and individualism.

Every 5 minutes the show would automatically cut back to the host, who introduced their exclusive 1800 number 'Give us a call' - except instead of phone sex, they'd pray for you.

At the Church for Aussies, they offer something for teens too - it's called The Toolbox. No, it's not in Paddington Sydney, but Capalaba, where for five dollars on a Friday night you can be responsibly supervised - party on Wayne, no way Garth.

But then, just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it did. "The Aussie TV Show" has its own 10 minute weekly soap opera, called "The Supernaturals" and it even has its own Harold. This week, the father came home smelling of alcohol and the teenage son assumed that he was an alcoholic. ALERT THE PANIC STATIONS. But it turned out that the father had actually been washing dishes at a pub to earn dollars to put food on the table. COMEDY OF MISUNDERSTANDING AT ITS STILTEDLY UNFUNNIEST. CHAMPAGNE COMEDY CAPTAIN.

I've always found the whole 'Jesus is cool' trip hilarious, from 'Crime to Christ' to the classic oxymoron that is Christian Rock.

Yet this is the first example I've seen of Australian Christians trying to market Christianity specifically for Australians.

An Australian Christianity? I think it would have to be based on worship of the ball. Football for men, Netball for women. We toss it, kick it and throw it in our subconsciously destructive attempt at throwing our future away. Think Daintree, think indigenous respect, think John Howard as Prime Minister.

I'm thinking of setting up my own Religious TV Show for Aussies. Its gonna be called The Church of Subjective Truths. It'll be like one of those lands that Jo and Fanny used to visit at the top of The Faraway Tree. The Church of Sujective Truths philosophy is that each and every person's truth is valid to them. Respect this and you immediately go some way towards understanding your fellow man and woman. The Church of Subjective Truths would worship glamour, my dad's hommus and celebrate diversity as well as promoting the ideal that love, not money makes the world go round.

Are Aussies waiting to be saved? Are we a nation in pain?

I know that we are a nation in official denial about many things. Until we come clean on these things, such as our bloodied history as a colonial nation, we will continue to be in pain.

Most Religious TV is not even spirited, let alone spiritual. Its artificial at best, an advertisement for sending money, bad comb-overs and worst of all, misplaced guilt.

"The Aussie TV Show" is great entertainment, an opportunity to scream with laughter at humans' innate misguidedness. For inspiration and hope however, I'd be looking elsewhere - to the guys out there in the soup vans who listen and accept that the truths of others are valid enough.

Don't turn to the TV for spirituality.

Turn to the TV for a bloody good laugh at how wonderfully mormonic (sorry, moronic) humans are.

Amen.

- Her Royal Bitchiness

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